I need a PA......penis attacker

Oh, the wonderous emails I doth receive. In a mass reply, no to:

• Inviting strangers into my home to rummage around in my knicker/hoisery drawers whilst pretending to excecute slave house cleaning duties.
• Spending my time replying to the same people's inane, attention seeking messages via several networking sites.
• Relinquishing most of my time deflecting the local stalkers at fetish events.
• Dealing with a conveyor belt of selfish subs at said events.

For evil-ness sake, how am I meant to find the time to indulge in my chocolate habit? This does not go out to the many charming, intelligent people I come into contact with on a general level.

And some for something completely different....I saw this on the LFS website.